http://www.realityunwound.com forever

(See my new blog at www.realityunwound.com)

Jim Morrison said it, This is the End.* It's a dark, brooding, melancholy sort of tune that was frankly out of touch with reality. He apparently didn't take into account that, well, it really wasn't the end.

Morrison died a rock-star death 4 years later, but even in that it takes a Shirley McClaine brand of arrogance to think that just because it's the end for you it's the end for everyone (incidentally, on the day Jim Morrison died, Paolo Montero was born, here's to new beginnings!).

So today's end of realityunwound.blogspot.com is the formal, official and final move to www.realityunwound.com. It's been 963 days since my first post here. There have been great gaps between posts, there have been short but intense flurries of posts, and there have been lingering moments of consistency. I've written about daylight savings time, the a multi-post discussion on the religion in culture , living a missional life, our response to the fall of church leaders, and most recently the election.

Why move? Tough to say really. It may be the desire to feel like I'm finally growing up, and for some reason buying a domain feels like settling into a house I own. Maybe I want to see if my voice resonates way with a different audience, and ownership feels like credibility. I don't know why, but I know I want to focus more on how belief interacts with the day to day happenings in the world... things like politics, culture, the family. Hopefully it's mostly because I'm trying to make it less about the world as it relates to me, and more about how I can better relate to the world for redemptive purposes.

So my sincerest thanks for reading, I'm honestly humbled that you stop by. Please don't stop. More than that, will you engage even more? I want to hear from you. I want to hear when the things in my brain don't match with reality. I need to hear real people say things like, "in a perfect world that works, but..." or better yet, "Your conservative ideology fails to take into account..." My hope for my new corner of the web is that together, we can forge ahead and create real solutions to real problems. I have great faith in people, especially people who listen for the still small voice leading through the wilderness. Don't lurk. Let me know you're there. Challenge my thinking, don't let me get sloppy. Most of all, let's be a generation that makes a positive impact and leaves a positive footprint.

If what I write is worth reading, tell someone else. If what I write is trite and banal, tell me. Most of all, and in every situation...

Feel the love, be the ball.

Special shout out - Newcom's, I changed the background just for you. May the remnants of our past be forever be readable!

*Note: The song, "This is the End" is most likely about the end of a relationship with his girlfriend, not the end of the world. But it made for a less interesting post that way.

http://www.realityunwound.com

Well, the transition is beginning. I made a new post at my new site... www.realityunwound.com. Just know that it is still VERY much under construction. You may think, "wow, hyper-minimalism. Interesting." That's not the case. My good friend Daniel from Grow Development and his wife Amanda from The Mom Crowd are helping me get launched. They are waiting on me, so it's all my fault for its sparse appearance. It will change. I promise.

I'll be posting here less and less, and over there more and more. So bookmark www.realityunwound.com and stop by. Make suggestions, leave comments, poke fun... whatever it takes! Oh, and tell a friend.

Five o'clock thoughts

It's been a long week, and here I am, a mish-mash of thoughts and blinking synapses. Here are a few of the things rattling around in my brain.

1. Toby Keith feels my pain - I don't' often think of Toby Keith, but I love the song, "I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was." It's not that it's got hooks, but it's a song that makes me look forward to getting older, but not in a sappy, nostalgic, "holy crap I'm going to die what is my legacy going to be," kind of way. Thanks for that Toby.
2. I'm building a website - Actually, I'm doing very very little of it. The guy whose helping me out mostly is this guy who does this for a living. He' very good, and I'm very grateful. You can go see what I've got going at www.realityunwound.com. It's still taking shape, but my hope is that it'll be an informative place where people will come and read things that they might not ordinarily read, and care about things in a new way. See what happens. Stop by often. Leave lots of comments. Tell everyone you know.
   
3. I care about political things - This last election wrecked me. It kills me to see something as huge, expansive, and nationally significant as one of the two major political parties in the United States have an absolute, complete, and total lack of leadership. You've probably noticed a turn in the topics of the posts here recently. I want to hear what you think, even if you think you don't care.
   
4. Joel Runyon cares - This summer, Joel Runyon stayed at our house for a week and it was great. He's a neat guy. I had a post up awhile back about what you'd like to see more of. Joel, because he cares, badgered me about the results. Well, participation was underwhelming, but the results were that 80% of you (that means 4) wanted to hear my random thoughts, and 20% of you (that means 1) wanted to know what I was listening to. That means 80% of you care about my random thoughts. I feel special. I think that means that only 5 people read my blog, which means that maybe I shouldn't have spent money on a website... wow, hindsight is a mutha.
5. I feel happy, oh so happy - Seriously. Life is good. I have a great family, I love what I do, the future looks bright, and God is good. Who could as for anything more?

So that's that. Five o'clock thoughts on a Thursday afternoon. If you're out there lurking, and you haven't dropped a line, I'd love to hear from you. Sooner than later I'm probably going to be switching over to www.realityunwound.com so stop by. Drop me a line. Share your thoughts. Tell someone else. Spread the word. Feel the love. Be the ball.

Don't do it!

President Bush met with President Elect Obama yesterday. Drudge Reports that Bush is pissed about Obama's people leaking the contents of the conversation. What would you expect?

But the information leak isn't the issue. The New York Times says this...

The struggling auto industry was thrust into the middle of a political standoff between the White House and Democrats on Monday as President-elect Barack Obama urged President Bush in a meeting at the White House to support immediate emergency aid. Mr. Bush indicated at the meeting that he might support some aid and a broader economic stimulus package if Mr. Obama and Congressional Democrats dropped their opposition to a free-trade agreement with Colombia...

Bad idea Mr. President. Don't do it! Pres. Bush doesn't want to look petty, small, or like he's standing in the way of progress so he has to dance lightly. However, Barry has only one concern here... It starts with "B" end with "A" and in the middle is "arackobam".

Here's how this breaks down as I see it.

Barry is asking Bush to allocate some of the "bailout package" to help the Auto industry (it was originally to be used for the financial industry only). Obama says the auto industry is vital to the health and prosperity of the United States and immediate action must be taken.

First, the auto industry is immensely important and something needs to be done. However, throwing money at it is not the answer. What's happens when the taxpayers foot the bill for billions of dollars, and nothing changes? Have you noticed how well the stock market has responded to the bailout? Have you noticed how confidence has returned to all the banks and now they're lending freely? Have you noticed how the impending doom of our economy could be averted if we would be patriots and sign this bailout package TODAY because tomorrow would be too late? Yeah. Well what if the auto industry responds in the same way? Then what? Well, two things...

1. Government owns our car manufacturing. So what? Governments are not created to be entrepreneurial, creative, or on the edge. They are created to be stable. If we are going to compete on a global market, we have to innovate. not simply be stable.
2. We foot the bill for a sub-standard and hopelessly stuck auto industry. That's right. Our tax dollars go to support an industry that can't support itself because it creates inferior products (because of #1 above). Because it will forever be substandard, it will forever be at the teat of an ever expanding government.
   

So here's the political happenings. If Bush signs this Auto Industry bail out and it continues to flounder (and it will, just like everything else), then that will be one more "final verdict on 8 years of failed policies in the Bush administration." The Pelosi-Reed coalition (of which Barry is a Jr. member) claims victory and points to the failure of conservatism. If the bailout works (and it won't, just like nothing else has) then Obama claims savioresque leadership by swooping in at the last minute and exercising leadership over the simple minded ex-President. By giving in to Barry's requests, it's a lose-lose.

It's time for President Bush to punt. I hate to say it, but I think it's that time. Immediately ask his party what they want to do, and follow their lead. Call Rep. Boehner, Sen. McConnell, and as many conservative minds as he can gather. Call Newt, Michael Steele, Huckabee, and any other right leaning mind he can find.

We tried the bailout, much to the chagrin of tax payers across the land. We crossed a line by making American Express a bank. It's time to stop. Draw a line in the sand Mr. President. Politically it's risky, but we must make the democrats and the newly elected President take full responsibility for each of their ideas. If it works, then we all win. If it doesn't work, then we still all win because we will be able to clearly see from whence the trouble has come. Stand up, and take a bow on your way out. Give your party an opportunity to fight for much of what has been lost over the last 8 years.

*NOTE: There's change coming. Tell your friends. Realityunwound.blogspot.com is moving.

(photo was on the front page of Drudge Report)

The voice of one crying in the wilderness...

There's been quite a bit of clothes tearing, hand wringing, and soul searching going on inside the confines of the Republican party. For the most part it's well deserved. It seems though that Sarah Palin is finally finding a supporting voice in the media, and even from within her own party, while the remnants of the Republican leadership wrestles with how to go forward in the much bluer halls of congress and the senate.

I know many people who pray, pray often, and pray hard are still reeling. They see no hope, no potential for anything even remotely positive to come out of what will hopefully only be the next four years.

I don't go that far. I most definitely wish Obama wasn't my President-elect, but I can't say that I would have been politically thrilled beyond all measure if John McCain would have won (I wanted Huckabee from the start, but would have settled for Romney, and finally taken McCain after Fred Thompson).

The thing I take comfort in is that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Fears of a democratic congress run amok. Many envisioned a Guevara-beret clad puppet president sprinting hard toward the left to appease a dictatorial and elitist Democratic power structure. However, it seems that already the centrists in the party are standing up to be heard.

Throw into the mix what Scott Rasmussen (President of Rasmussen reports and polling) seems to think about Obama's mandate and I find solace. What comforts me most is that there is a vocal and credible contingent that, like me, sees this election not as an indication that the general populace has shifted far to the ideological left. Rather, our belief is that this election is more of a rejection of President Bush and his policies than an open embrace of a Reid-Pelosi-Obama liberalism.

In this strange amalgam of national emotion -fear, worry and dread at one pole contrasted with nearly messianic visions of redemption and restoration at the other - the extremists are still in the minority.

That's comfort for both Republicans and Democrats.

Most comforting is that even the majority of Democrats are closer to Joe Lieberman than they are to Plastic Pelosi and Scary Reid. Those that would hijack the left and make us all into card carrying socialists are no more a true reflection of the voice of the people than those on the right that would hole up in a compound with guns and a backwoods religion bearing little resemblance to what most of us would recognize or ascribe to.

So the hope for a conservative reassertion is not only alive, but I believe it's stronger than ever. In a rejection of the leftist conservatism of George Bush, the flames are fanned for a revival of true conservatism. Hold fast, stay firm, keep praying.

Most of all, talk to people and find out where they are at. Know what you believe, why you believe it, and keep talking about it with grace and compassion. Start now talking now about the things that you agree with President-elect Obama about (the power of tax-cuts as the way to a reinvigorated economy, for example). If we only talk about how we're against Obama, we'll only seem like bitter losers. Let's relentlessly cast vision that the parts of what's working for the Obama campaign are conservative principles. Build bridges, take back the truth. There will be a time to talk publicly and openly about the change that's coming. For now, let's just talk about what works. Let's talk about what we see that's good, and right. In that way, we will once again be the party of hope and change.

Hope Springs Eternal: when you're dead, it's easier to see your roots

McCain was soundly trounced by Barack Obama last night. In a moment of vulnerability, I called every single battleground incorrectly. I didn't figure McCain would win Pennsylvania, but I couldn't imagine him losing Virginia, I thought he'd squeak out Ohio, and I thought Florida would stay red as well.

I was wrong.

So this morning I'm disappointed. I think we're in for a long, hard road, but Barack Obama is my president, and I will do everything in my power to help America be a great place under his leadership.

I take a few things away from last night, however that can be really great down the road..

1. Barack Obama ran as a centrist - He didn't run largely on the radical left platform of Nose-Job Pelosi and Scary Reid. He won by supporting the second amendment and tax cuts. Those are the things Americans said they care about. As voters we need to carefully watch how he responds, especially in the first 100 days. He is still our President, accountable to the voters. The HOPE: if he has integrity, this will be at worst a Clintonesque administration. More liberal than I like, but not as liberal as it could be.


2. Republicans have been in the Wilderness - The link is to a great article at the Washington Post. Closely related to Obama's centrist campaign is the reality that this election was, as Obama has regularly stated, a final verdict on the Bush years. The HOPE: Bush was barely a republican president. Under him, Government swelled, spending skyrocketed, and the basic tenets of historical conservatism were blatantly and boldly violated. I still don't believe America has rejected true conservatism. I don't believe they've seen it since 1990 or so.


3. We can begin building again - My interpretation of last night is that the clearest mandate of all was for Republicans. It's time to go back and dance again with the one who brung us! It's time for a new leadership in the conservative movement, a new vision of the Republican party. The HOPE: there should be little questioning or bickering about what we should do with the old way. Last night was the death knell for Bush conservatism. Let's tip our hats and move forward.

We're in for a long ride, and I am going to pray for President Obama as often as I can. I'm challenged and I issue a few challenges:

• Get Informed - Information is out there. Stay informed, know who your congressmen and senators are. Know what they stand for. Think through the implications.
• Engage in the conversation - Conservative politics can't be mere idealogues, hashing out nuances of an overblown fiscal policy blah blah blah. It has to be about real solutions to the real problems real people are facing. Find out what they are. Offer them a solution.
• Be Gracious - Be above the fray. I don't like what happened in America yesterday. But I understand it. I have to play my part in building bridges. I can not compromise, and I can not stand alone.

So let our response to this election be the full support of our country. America has spoken, loud and clear. If we don't like what they said, our choices are to rage and rail and further demonstrate how out of touch and fragile we are. Or, we can accept what has come our way, bear up under the burden with grace, and win again the battles over values and ideas.

We can do it. It starts today. Let's go.

Part 3: Love the One You're With - shrinking the political divide by being who you are

Tomorrow, half the country will celebrate the change that we've all been waiting for.

Tomorrow, half the country will feel that we've irreversibly turned a corner toward doomsday.

It's bothersome that any personal schisms I may experience over this election will be only a microcosm of the divide in this country. Red states and blue states barely speak the same language, much less read from the same page.

The American dream has always been freedom from and freedom to. This was a place, formed and founded by dissenters. I fear we stand on the verge of a dark and deep precipice of divide where dissent is treason, and to the Blues, the Red's are always "the other guy."

I believe ever increasingly that politics matter a great deal. I am also wholeheartedly convinced that a real and robust faith speaks directly, clearly and precisely to the core of the conditions that define the political agenda at any given time...

1. Social issues aren't simply about some sort of human widgets. Social issues deal with actual people actually formed in the image of God. I can't be neutral on abortion because God is intimately involved in every single step of the creative process... even in utero.
2. Welfare doesn't work because we're not supposed to be dependent on any system or structure, but rather on God alone. It's not just about making sure that the poor have sustenance, it's about making sure that ALL people have a purpose and an opportunity to thrive
3. Fiscal policy isn't just about getting rich or being poor. It's about stewardship, so I have to ask what the best use of the money God has given me is. If I have the choice to invest money in a cause or a purpose that compels me, or giving it to a government (through higher taxes and wealth redistribution) that has never ever handled its money as well as I have (that's why communism hasn't ever worked), I want the freedom to invest it (give it) myself.

The current divide in our country is such a big deal precisely because my faith compels me to feel a a personal responsibility to do whatever I can to shrink the real and perceived gap between the two sides.

As a believer, I have a mandate to "be one [with others], even as the Father and I are one." (Jesus said that). I don't believe the unity we are called to can come primarily by political means, although I believe there are political implications. I believe it is my job as a believer to begin bridging that gap.

That doesn't mean slashing and burning my ideas and principles in the name of bipartisanship. It doesn't mean making good liberals into good conservatives by making a good conservatives into good left-center moderates.

That is, in all regards, a worthless shift.

It can't mean moral compromise because that denies the existence of real answers. It does mean a return to statesmanship and humility. It means reaching above and beyond ideological tags and searching for and promoting real solutions to peoples real problems. It means leaving the national platform and walking the streets. Most of all, I think it means seeing that "the Democrats," are as real people living in the same economic climate as me, faced with losing the same jobs, and the same crashing retirement system.

There are solutions, and I believe conservative solutions are the better solutions. What I as a conservative may not have is a broad base of trust. We don't have a widespread belief from society that we are working toward the greater good, not just our own good.

As a believer, that is my clarion call. As an American, that is my clarion call. One nation, under God compels me to seek unity (not compromise). The United States of America wasn't created to live in the midst of a wide and growing political split.

So between now and the 2010 midterm elections, what if the conservative base took to the streets and began talking to people who are different from us, sharing ideas and solutions. What if the Republican party became known as the party that walked the neighborhoods talking to the people and taking the initiative to share with them why big government isn't the answer?

That what I'm supposed to be doing anyway. I don't have to be something different to be an agent of healing in this land. I just need to be more of what I'm supposed to be.

Campbell Brown tells the truth

Robert Earl Keene sings a song called, "Little Things." From his vantage point of beleaguered spouse, he quips to his beloved that, "it's the little things that piss me off."

At the end of the day, those truly are the things that drive me from ambivalent spectators to impassioned activists. In most of life, the great big huge happenings don't come that often or catch us that much off guard. It's the little, day to day happenings that make people crazy.

Case in point. Here's a link to a video of Campbell Brown talking about Obama and his broken promise to accept public campaign funds. It's well known, well documented, and undeniable that Obama is hands down winning the cash war in this election cycle. He's broken all kinds of fund raising records. So what's the big deal?

Campbell does a great job of spelling out the issues. Check out the video. Obama claims he did it because the system is broken. Regardless, it's the system that honorable John McCain has stuck to, even when it's cost him.

So here's the real rub. It's not about campaign finance and what probably is a broken system. It's about integrity. Lewinsky-gate wasn't (primarily) about Slick Willy getting his in the Oval Office. It was about the reality that a man who would lie to his wife about something like this, would lie to the American people. It's not about sex or money, it's about integrity and honor.

I wonder what else a man who lied about something as important as funding a campaign would lie about? Is there a chance that he'd lie about his fiscal policy? I wonder if he would ever lie about any of his associations, about his plans for the war, about the depth of his liberalism?

He might not, but nothing has indicated he wouldn't.

The fact that he lied when it served him to do so indicates that he would do it again under the same circumstances. How much of Obama's ever shrinking lead in the polls is attributed to an absolute saturation of the airwaves with his propaganda? If he wins this election, you could easily make the point that he bought the election with questionable campaign donations. So with broken promises and untraceable donations, he is somehow fit to lead this nation to a better and more reputable place in the global community? I don't get it. It seems to me that the best thing dirty money can get you is a bad name.

See the Campbell Brown piece here... http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/28/campbell.brown.obama/index.html

P.S. Kudos to CNN for putting this out there. Perhaps the Clinton News Network is under reform! Keep tellin' it like it is Campbell!

Part 2: Remember Phoenix - finding hope in a potential democratic landslide

So my last post was cathartic. It was good to ruminate over where I've come and see how the circle seems to have closed, only the person I am is not the person I was, and for that I'm grateful.

After I finished writing though, I sensed that tightness in my gut again. It's that sense that sneaks in every four years about mid-September. Because I believe that political figures cast a long shadow over the land and have great power to do great good (or conversely, great harm) I begin to fret and even fear over numbers that are sure to rain down late into the evening on November 4.

One side is predicting a landslide on the order of Ronald Reagan's trouncing of Walter Mondale in 1984. With an unprecedented cash advantage (which, incidentally Barack Obama promised not to use in the name of fairness) Barack Obama is making his presence felt in places no democratic candidate has gone before. The Democratic nominee would have you believe places like West Virginia and Indiana are in play once again.

On the other side, you have the Republican party calling foul and bias against the media, and assuring those who care that the race isn't over. In my mind's eye I imagine John McCain on November 5 hoisting a newspaper that says "Obama Defeats McCain" while the ticker tape fills the celebratory Republican air.

I don't know what to make of the polls, and my position is that it's probably not as bad as they say, but it still might not be close enough to matter. So what's a resuscitated conservative with a head and a heart in the game supposed to do in dicey political times like these?

Well, first of all, I can't overstate my belief that God alone is my provider, and if the tax burden became 99%, I have been promised that God would provide for my needs. So I cling to that and try to let that inform my position as much as possible.

I do believe, however, that even in the case of a total Democratic trouncing (they gain the White House and a super-majority in both houses of congress) my hope isn't gone. I believe there will be irreversible or nearly irreversible changes and decisions made (Supreme Court justices, new entitlements, etc), but I believe that out of the ashes a new conservative movement will rise.

I think the Republican party has been conflicted since about 1990. In the exceedingly long shadow of Ronald Reagan, the first President Bush let the hearts of the people slip away amid indecisiveness in Iraq. The Clinton years stand in stark contrast to the moral and economical rise of the Reagan years.

However, it's in the corners of those Clinton years that I find my basis for hope. During the years of Clinton's presidency, Newt Gingrich authored and introduced the Contract With America which was a true conservative movement. It wasn't perfect at all. (I think its tragic flaw was its close alignment with Ralph Reed and the Christian Coalition). Again, I don't believe government will ever be perfect. The reason the Contract with America was a great thing was that it intended 2 things 1) Balance the Budget and 2) limit government. Those are great things.

The reality as I see it is that even if McCain should win, he isn't the future of the Republican Party. Truth be know, I think the future of the party is in people like Sarah Palin, Bobby Jindal, Tim Pawlenty, and Michelle Bachmann. Now, you'll likely never see any glowing reports or talk about any of these. I expect a revival of the "Fairness Doctrine" which will for all intents and purposes completely silence the last vestiges of conservative media. The airwaves will be left to people like Keith Slobberman, Chris "Igor" Matthews, and Andrea "someone wake up my face" Mitchell. So what you'll begin to see is a grassroots revival of conservatism completely under the radar. You think the polls are lopsided this election cycle...

Just a side note of this: I think one of the major mistakes McCain made during this election was focusing on his ability to "reach across the aisle." You never hear Nanci Pelosi or Harry Reid talking about wanting to reach across the aisle. They talk about wanting to remove the aisle altogether. They don't want to work with Republicans, they want to eradicate them. Please hear me well, talking politically, I don't believe we are dealing with a centrist government. Every "moderate" conservative that McCain was supposed to bring into the fold has gone the other way (see Colin Powell). So stop doing that.

Next: Part 3: Love the One You're With - shrinking the political divide by being who you are.

Part 1: The Season I Find Myself In - back again for the first time

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven..."

Ecclesiastes 3, The Byrds

Things cycle. Fall becomes winter which turns to spring which inevitably rolls into Summer and soon enough we're back into Fall again. To rage against that machine is, as the writer of Ecclesiastes would say... meaningless.

We prepare for and even look forward to the changing seasons. My wife loves the beach, so summer always looms hopefully on the horizon. I would rather peel my own skin than sweat, so my heart skips when fall cools and darkens the evening skies.

But the other cycles of life I accept less willingly. For instance, I am extremely energetic (generally) between 7:00 and 11:00 A.M. After lunch I tend to wax philosophical and generally fail to be good use to anyone. Still, I ignore the cycles and fail to plan my schedule accordingly.

I'm finding myself in another cycle of sorts. Before I went to college, my ambition was to study political science, go to law school and throw my hat into the political arena. I was angry, belligerent, and had it all figured out (I was 18 at the time, and every 18 year old knows everything). In college I realized that there were, in fact, things I didn't know. I met people who were very different from me, and still very intelligent and good hearted. I wrestled with issues of systemic evil... poverty, illness, even the environment. I responded in typical fashion, by totally rejecting everything I previously believed. I identified "the right" from where I come with all of my own closed mindedness, so in light of all the ways I had been wrong, surely the problem was with the ideology, not with me.

Fast forward 15 years to today. I still wrestle with questions about systemic evils. But now my perspective has changed. I work at a place that touches the poor every single day. I am part of a place that meets social evil where it lives, and addresses it head on. That's impacted my political perspective because I see the success that comes when average, ordinary, normal people like me get our hands dirty. I meet people that "the government" never could. Not only that, but I don't just hand out money, but I hear and offer hope & solutions for their real needs...

Relationships

Purpose

Hope

Government can't provide those things. On paper, socialism and government welfare type programs work. In real life, they fail miserably because the people who administer the programs (run the government) will fail and fall just like the rest of us (incidentally, that's why I'm still frustrated over the recent "Bail Out package" and think it creates more problems than it solves).

So the cycle has swung back to the right for me. The difference between me then and now is that I see those on the left differently. I believe leaders on the left genuinely want to answer the same questions I do (poverty, greed, etc). I don't think all of them (although some of them probably) are evil hearted people who want to wreck the country. The difference I think is simply in our methodology. I want to empower every person to make a difference and think the government ruins what it touches... so by all means leave the people alone!

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's an insignificant difference. I think it's a major, game changing, generation impacting difference. I believe that taxing entrepreneurship (raising taxes on even big business) will stifle creativity and punish the American Spirit (who do you think puts the most money into the economy? The rich. It may sound unfair, but it's reality. The best thing for America is for EVERYONE to work hard and become rich). I believe "spreading the wealth around" is just about the worst idea I've ever heard, and I believe that it only fosters the entitlement mentality rampant in the welfare class. The answer isn't to give them something that they haven't earned, the answer is to give them hope that they were created for something larger and teach them that they can earn and participate.

What I can offer that government never can, is a hand up. I can stand beside someone and talk with them, and refuse to leave them when the manifest ignorance or intolerance or just plain laziness. The government can give money, but that only fosters dependence. The American dream isn't that we would forever be suckling at the teat of big government. The American dream is that we would be able to first be independent, then interdependent.

My hope for the right isn't that I believe conservative politics is the answer. I believe Christ is the answer. I believe that God working through His Church is the answer, because the Church has the ability to meet needs at every level... sustenance AND significance, life AND liberty, hope now AND a future tomorrow. When the government takes it upon itself to "meet needs" the people will stop turning to the Church, because government asks nothing of them.

Part 2 to come: Remember Phoenix - finding hope in a potential democratic landslide

I <3 H.D.T.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation..."

Back when I considered myself a philosophy honk, and even today I guess, I loved Thoreau's straight to the point, no holds barred, bone penetrating analysis on the lives of most men. I was in college at the time, and as most people at that phase in life, I knew everything... except myself. I remember even then having this quiet rage, this quiet but powerfully bubbling drive for something that wasn't yet. More frustrating still was the awareness that the intensity of desire didn't equate to an intensity of forward motion. I had vague dreams, ambiguous desires, and sharp if undefined hungers for things that seemed important.

I chased things that seemed like they might scratch the itch... I traveled around the country, I took Solomon's quest for meaning in Ecclesiastes (everything under the sun) and arrived at pretty much the same conclusion he did (vanity, vanity). For all my motion, desire, and soul heat, I was pretty much where I had been before. Mostly I was raging against the machine that was me. All that was left was Thoreau's penetrating analysis of my life... quiet desperation.

I wish I could say that since I started following Christ it had all changed. I wish I could say that now my desperation is fully satiated if constantly renewed. I wish I could say my life was a loud and constant roar of intention and purpose, fueled and driven by the fullness of the Godhead's passion.

But that's not how it goes, it would seem.

My desperation today is aimed in a different direction. It's admittedly made up of some of the same basic fabric, and it's often no less quiet and hot. I still hunger for significance, if today I realize I need to follow a different path. I still long to make a living with words and ideas, although the tone and subject of those words is different. Even more disturbingly, as I am now in my 30's, I have to admit that my quiet desperation still doesn't often enough manifest itself in the kinds of actions that would allow me to possibly realize some of the meat of those quiet desperation's (*Note: I also am now in constant realization that many of the drives I have may not be worth pursuing. Significance as I define it may be no more in the works for me than a polka-dotted hair do*)

But Thoreau left another nugget in Walden. "I went to the woods to live deliberately."

Thoreau spent significant time in the woods. Alone. Quiet. Intentionally seeking out the things that would fill in and fill out the purpose he felt pushed toward. The beauty and the drama of that statement compels me. I don't think Thoreau had it all right. I don't think his equation would lead him to the place where he ultimately wanted to be. But he put himself in the best position to discover that for himself.

I'm convinced that moving beyond a life of quiet desperation comes in living deliberately. I woke up this morning and had a choice. I could either mindlessly drift with Jackson's movie on TV (The Little Mermaid... he loves Sebastian the Jamaican crab) or I could turn my mind to try and understand my responses yesterday, the things God seemed to be whispering to me, and the things God was doing in the world around me. I can wake up tomorrow and jump into the day and deal with whatever comes or I can spend time nurturing those Holy Discontent things and setting a course of action. My action will probably often be misdirected and way off track... but it will have been deliberate, and it will allow me to learn, pray, and recalibrate.

God save me from a life of quiet desperation. God keep me from dousing the flames that would heat the boiler of passion you placed in me. God, rescue me from the drift of life where every moment appears about as insignificant as the last. Most of all, God deliver me from futility, so that I might realize even a piece of the holy, latent potential in the world around.

Sick bellies and Holy moments

Friday night, Jack threw up. Then he threw up again.

It didn't seem wise to keep the little belly-geyser around the 6 day old baby. No need to infect a newborn. So I went to my parents until the whole thing blew over. My hope was that in the morning he would wake up and be fine and I'd be home by evening (24 hours past his last "episode").

But he threw up yesterday morning again. All day I nursed him back, small sips of liquid for 4 hours, followed by slightly larger sips for 4 hours, still no food though. He seemed to feel better all day and went to bed at night, sleeping sweetly in the guest bed at my parents house.

This morning he threw up again. Dangit.

So I'm 36 hours away from my wife and new born daughter, and I miss them both terribly. Right now Jack is asleep on the couch behind me, and I'm praying the crackers and Gatorade I've been working into him stay down. I'm praying that he feels better, that he gets back to being his same old self. I'm praying that I get to go back home, hug & kiss my wife, and hold my baby.

It's in the midst of all this that I made a decision yesterday morning...

For we know that God causes all things to work together for good for those who love him...

Romans 8:28

For I know the plans I have for you... plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I decided that I was going to believe that this wasn't a cosmic blip or a disappearance of the God's providence. I decided I was going to respond as if this very situation (missing my family, hurting for my beautiful sick little man, being away from home at such a vulnerable time, not being able to support my recently de-pregnanted wife) WAS the providence of God. God wasn't waiting until everyone was healthy to bless me, he wanted to bless me right now, in spite of it. In fact, I think he wanted me to see the illness and separation as a blessing.

It's a tough to fully latch on to the mindset that whatever seemingly negative situation I'm in isn't something that I have to "get through" any more than the good situations are. God is present, real, and unchanged in both of them. His hands aren't bound in the "bad times" and somehow unleashed in the "good times." The sick moments aren't moments where Satan is winning. Satan doesn't get to win. God wins.

He always wins.

So James' challenge to, "Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything," resonates only when I remember, or believe, that He's not gone. He's here. He's working. His intentions for me are exactly the same as they were the other day when Jack was running around like a crazy man (and I was praying that he would calm down. Now that he's calm, I just want him to be more active! I'm so fickle).

So I'm grateful for this time. I learned how to find God in the fabric of a potentially frustrating and bothersome situation. I had a chance to see that perseverance is precious, and faith is worth more than gold. I had a chance to hold my otherwise squirmy and dodgy son close to me. I kissed his head and wiped his tears and as steadily as I could, I reassured him that it would all be OK. "Daddy's here Jack, you don't have to worry."

And as those words fall into his sickly-eager little ear, they fall into mine and they allow me to speak with a confidence and a hope that I think I understand in a different way than I did before.

A few thoughts a few days out -or- Thoughts that come from sleep deprivation

(photo courtesy of Breanna Powers)

Last night was our first night back at home. Reagan is quite a contrast with Jack. One (not Jack) slept all night and needed to be woken up for feeding. The other (not Reagan) was up kicking and screaming all night long. Here are a few things I've realized...

• Having a child is the best prescription for gratitude. I was sitting in the hospital room the other night, eating Natalie's bland stroganoff and soft cauliflower (I bought her something else... I wasn't stealing baby-momma's food!) and I was almost in tears. It wasn't the food that made it happen, for some reason at that moment it all came home that I am an amazingly blessed man.


• Having a child is the best prescription for humility. Never before have I been so aware of what a small player I am in this whole game of life. That little baby girl grew, and came togther... she was knit together in the womb (Ps. 139). We serve an amazing God who does amazing things and bestows amazing blessings on us for no reason other than he wants to.


• My son is awesome. I am so proud of the little man Jack is. Rather than being jealous or territorial, he loves his baby "Regie" (like Reggie with a hard G).


• My God is good. He is very big, and he's all over the place. Today was a great day. I'm as tired as I've been since... well, the last time... but there's an understanding that I have a Father who is pleased to give me good things.

So thanks for the prayers. Keep them coming. I'm sure there will be more analysis and all that to come, but for now, that's all I have to say about that.

The first pictures

Well, here are the first round of photo's courtesy of his own personal photo entourage (Reagan will come to know her as Ammi, or grandma). For more pics of Reagan and others, visit her gallery at pbase. Here's the 1st round...

My little cherub

Eyes Wide Open (I don't think her eyes look that light)

Her mentor and her guardian: Cousin Abby and Poppy

The happy but weary mom & dad with the newest Powers

Well there are lots more of these to come. This is really just the beginning... in more ways than we can probably even realize.

September 27, 2008

Reagan Elizabeth Powers made her way into the world in the natural way.

21 1/4 inches long



8 lbs 12 oz.



Beautiful.



Mom is resting well, basking in the glow of the joyous thing God has made in and through her.



Pictures to come sooner than later. Thanks for your prayers. Please keep 'em up.

A Day Remembered

May 8, 2008 - Rocky Mountain National Park

Lower Copeland Falls. I have never felt so much like a visitor. This amazing place sounds like the rushing voice of God. The aspens, pines, and spruce trees stand and applaud the majesty of the Creator. Father has, just this moment, sent slow flurries to kiss the back of the neck. "The Earth is the Lords, and the fullness thereof. Thank You.

Upper Copeland Falls. Every place is more powerful and mighty than the last, and every reminder of God's power quiets my soul. he is God. God of Creation, take my breath away. Beyond the power, every thing about these mountains reminds me that my strength is fleeting and limited and, like these rivers and mountains, there is a mighty power source close at hand. Only to realize and live in it!

Calypso Cascades. As I write this, there is a heavy snow falling. The entire landscape is under 2 feed of snow. The Lord whispers, "My voice is all around you. Can you hear me in the rush of water? In the wind through the pines? He is here.

The day I wrote those in my little back pack travel journal was one of those days that I knew would remain crisp in my brain forever. It was our second day there and we ended up in the Wild Basin. We passed only a single car on the way in, and they still hadn't opened the summer trail head because of the snow. There was a true sense of being alone in the wild. I remember being nearly overwhelmed by the enormity and immensity of the whole thing. There's nothing that makes me feel smaller, more humble, more aware of the grandeur and might of God than the mountains. As we hiked, it became clear that this was going to be a day that I needed to capture and remember.

Only today did I finally get the pictures from that trip into my computer. It's always good to stop and remember those times and those places where you've encountered God. That was most definitely one of those days.

Vice Potential

Politically speaking, it's always been fairly difficult for me to imagine the role of the Vice President. I always assumed it went something like this...

1. Look good and represent the head honcho well in elections, and do his angry bidding for him.


2. Be the head of the Senate.


3. Wait to become the real President.

Now I know that's a gross underestimation and misrepresentation of the true facts. The reality is that in the past 20 years, Vice Presidents have not had much good luck. George H.W. Bush (Reagan's VP) served 1 term before losing to "Slick Willie" in '92. Slick Willie, probably the most skilled politician of our generation failed to be able to seat his VP (Algore) who lost to George W. Bush's Vice Henchman, er, Vice President wasn't ever considered to even be in the running. So it hasn't been a good season to be a Vice President.

And today I read in The Telegraph about Joe Biden's (Obama's 1st mate) bad luck with the Catholic Church. A few things that I took away.

1. Don't jack with the Catholic Church. Seriously, I remember hearing Nancy Pelosi and her abortion statements, and I remember thinking how foolish they were. She basically forced the Catholic church to publicly correct her. When Biden followed suit, it defied logic.


2. That's not how they wanted to force the issue. It's important to draw clear distinctions between the candidates and force what would amount to a moral imperative. You want people to say and feel the conviction... "that stance on that issue compels me to vote this way." It's the classical liberal/conservative question... what's the best way to handle issues, stoke the fremarket and deregulate (conservative) or oversee and regulate (liberal). However, it seems unwise to make the division on things of faith. I still believe that for many people, faith trumps political issues. Even for athiests, their faith stance compels them to vote. For Biden to basically force the Catholic Church to denounce him puts faithful Catholics in an interesting place.


3. Where ever you go, there you are. I remember when he was announced as VP. Oh, the joy in conservative talk radio land! Biden has a well documented history of putting his foot in his mouth at the most public and inopportune times. He can't help being himself, only now he's doing it in the spotlight of a monumental election.

My guess, Biden isn't long for this world. I predict that he is either going to experience some sort of family tragedy, or for some reason or other have to disappear from the race, sadly and regretfully, but necessarily none the less. Under such circumstances, it only makes sense that the new Democratic Vice Presidential nominee would be... Billary Rodherson Clinton.

Can it happen? Legally, I don't even know if it can. She was quite publically NOT vetted. Would she have to go through the DNC some how? I don't know. Would it work? Personally, I don't think it would. I think it would smack of political maneuvering in a campaign that has staked itself to the rhetoric of change and doing things in a new way.

Interesting times. Interesting race. Interesting people.

The Favorite Season Is...

The favoritest season of them all...

FALL!!

That means there are a lot of happy people right about now.

Keep your money away from the moths...

The Dow Jones index dropped 500 points today. Every channel I turn to on the TV is talking about panic, recession, depression, financial ruin...

How can something like this happen in America, to a place like Lehman Brothers and AIG?

Well, it would appear that even the most stable things in the world are unstable. Even in America, even to the richest of the rich, things like this can happen. In this life, the mighty will fall.

That's why Jesus urged those who listened to Him to keep their treasures in the Kingdom of Heaven, away from things in this life like economic depression and recession. That sounds like pretty good advice today. The marvelous secret Jesus showed us... the Kingdom of Heaven is all around us. It's at hand. It's here. Now!

Investments in banks and economies are always subject to ruin. Investments in people, in lives, in stories will produce returns for eternity. People are the safest, surest investment out there because the relationships you invest in will not only pay off now, but they will pay off down the road, all the way into eternity.

I met with a group of small group leaders in my living room yesterday. Over cheap, pick-up pizza, with the sweet sound of curly headed, blue eyed children playing and running in the back ground we discussed just such investments. One couple is getting ready to release a leader they have walked with and helped train over the past weeks and months. That's an eternal return on investment. Every person those new leaders impact will be a direct credit to the eternal account of both leaders. Another of the groups has had to deal with some space issues. Creatively and almost in beautifully stubborn fashion, they fought the urge to turn inward. Another leader faced a hard confrontational issue and worked through it rather than running from it.

These two situations are a stark contrast to me. I see the pictures streaming in from Wall Street, dejection, fear, discouragement, doubt. I sit in a living room with young leaders carrying the added burden of helping people discover spiritual maturity as they walk toward it themselves, voices bouncing with hope, eyes glimmering with resolve.

I've never been so encouraged and so hopeful about every investment in the Kingdom. Every investment in another person is an investment that Wall Street can't match. I've never had such clarity about the choice of what I'm going to devote my extra hours to. I've never been more excited about little things like lunch meetings where mutual investment is the order of the day.

God, let me invest more time in people, and less time in the dollars and cents that will never add up to enough. Keep me focused on the people that you love. Teach me what it means to seek your Kingdom first. You said that if I'd do that, then I'd have what I need. Thank you for that.

Sorry 'boutcher luck Lehman's Bros. I've got some investment tips you should look into!

The un-audacity of living the dream

I re-read my first ever blog. 2 years later, the group that spawned my thoughts has morphed and grown to where my role is basically a supporting one. It's a totally different entity than I could ever have imagined, better in most ways.

It's a funny thing though, the passage of time and the reality of perception. I think if you had told me 2 years ago that I wouldn't be attending the gathering, that there would be another guy who was heading it up and giving it direction, that it would look the way it does... honestly think I would have been disappointed, or at least bothered, maybe even ticked.

But what did I know back then? I knew what I wanted, I knew my heart to see something happen, and I think those were good things. I don't think I was sinful in desiring that group to grow and flourish. I just didn't have all the information at the time. My peception of best back then, and the reality of best right now are barely comparable.

The principle I keep running into is best summed up by the great poet and theologian Billy Joel, "The good ole days weren't always good and tomorrow ain't as bad as it see-ee-eems." If I pause long enough to let that truth do it's work, it should drive humility deep into my core. My dreams and ambitions and hopes and prospects keep waking me up to face the day. They give me something to look forward to. They allow me to dance hopefully and rage wildly into the night. They're important...

But they're best held loosely.

I wouldn't trade one thing about my life, knowing what I knew then and knowing what I know now. I wouldn't do it differently. I'm grateful that God, the one I was listening for on that day, is in control. He knows best. Even better me. If you can believe it. It's a hard lesson to learn. If anything seems to be truly rooted in my own best interest, it's my dreams. They seem so shiny and bright, so tantalizing and sweet. Honest reflection gently convinces me, however, both of the necesity of large dreams, and the humility of letting them age well. It seems when I do that, they are always becoming what they were intended to be... images and reminders of God's sovereign goodness and provision for me.

Quenching a drought

I dry up easily when it comes to the blog-o-sphere. I've commented on it before and I'll probably comment on it again since I'm commenting on it here. I think I've discovered the reason.

I'm an incredibly selfish blogger. I want to put out the goods, but I rarely take time to take in the goods. That's a great model for producing incredibly selfish and shallow stuff.

So it's been a grueling 2 weeks emotionally and mentally, and today was no different, so I decided to take a 10 minute mental holiday, and what I ended up with was a 10 minute excursion into inspiration land.

It all started with my lovely and talented wife, Natalie. She always inspires me. Most recently because she's pregnant, and I'm no professional but it seems like it would be REALLY hard to have another person growing inside of you. None the less, she's been a trooper and the picture of grace. Hopefully the time is almost up.

From there I went to my brother's page. I've long contended that he's the funniest guy I've ever personally known. His blog only cemented his position, as well as provided some wonderful thought fodder about big bangs, body odor, french people, and cosmological physics. Not necessarily in that order.

From that point on it was pretty much one amazing thing after another. First I found Lauren's Blog, Brittany's Blog, Ryan's Blog, Bre's Blog (not my sis-in-law who's pretty cool her self), Joel's Blog and David's Blog. I was challenged, and forced to ask myself...

"Jason, why you so dang SHALLOW and why don't you love JESUS?"

Seriously, when Paul challenged Timothy not to let anyone look down on him because he was young, but to set an example to the believers... that's a challenge these students take seriously. I really needed that. I needed to see that the bar is set high and that there are people, people much younger, but much mo bettah than I am, reaching for the highest goal.

My hats off and my heart goes out to all of you who unknowingly challenged me today. Thank you. That's what the Body of Christ is all about. Keep on keepin' on.

Processing Politics in an Election Year

I'm in a tough place... I'm a pastor and a Christian, given a responsibility to reach out and help people be reconciled to God who loves them and calls them. I'm also an American, given the freedom and privilege to elect those that I believe will govern this great nation toward prosperity.

As a Christian, I find in the scriptures that Jesus was decidedly not a political Messiah, much to the chagrin and dismay of many of his followers. He had lots of opportunities to be a political Messiah. During his tempting in the desert, he could have worshipped Satan and been given the whole of creation. He could have been born to a Caesar and risen to power that way. In meeting with Pilate or Herod He could have either compelled them to follow Him or called down one of His legion of angels to overthrow them. Instead, he makes cryptic remarks to Pilate about truth and He says nothing to Herod. To the Pharisees trying to set him up, he only says, "Give to Caesar what is Caesars..." I fundamentally believe that the key to a changed government is a changed heart. The best way to ensure that we're governed fairly is to make sure that every person on earth is a radical disciple of Jesus.

On the other, much of the tone of political discourse bothers me. There's a lot of banter back and forth about whose right and whose wrong. I've actually heard people say that they don't believe someone from one party or the other could possibly be a Christian. That seems totally out of character for a people who Jesus prayed would be united... one, even as He and the Father are one.

So I wrote and re-wrote this entry about a thousand times trying to get it right, trying to walk the line between realizing that the government Jesus came to set up wasn't based on any elections (it's a radical theocracy scripturally referred to as the Kingdom of God), and realizing that all authority on earth comes from Him and He's given me a role to play. I need to play it.

So here's where I'm at. I believe both candidates are doing what they believe is best for the country. I believe both Barak Obama & John McCain think that their ideas and ideologies are what is needed to move this country forward. I also believe that whatever the outcome on November 5, my ultimate allegiance is not here. So as I cast my vote, and even engage in boisterous discourse between now and then, I'm compelled to remember that the person on the other side of the aisle isn't just a Democrat, they are a person who Jesus loves and wants to spend eternity with. Starting now. I want to see them as someone who cares passionately about the environment and personal freedom, even if I disagree with how they go about assuring and protecting those. As a reconciler (first), if my political convictions cause me to drive away someone from "the other" party... or even to simply SEE THEM primarily as someone from the other party," I've missed it. If I am right, politically, and I destroy a bridge to future conversations about ultimately important things... eternal things... then being right has never been so wrong.

The golden rule says to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I want people to see me not as a Republican (Libertarian Republican is probably closer to the truth). I want them to see me as Jason, Natalie's husband, Jack & Reagan's dad, Astros fan, and ultimately and most gratefully... child of God. If I'm going to do that, I have to stop "seeing" them as Democrat, liberal, whatever.

So if you're voting Republican this year, join me in setting the pace in affirming the person in our political conversations. See the humanity and Image of God in the person across the aisle. If you're voting Democrat this year, I love you anyway, and hope you feel the same. I hope I'm able to convey that I know you're more than a political affiliation. More than that, I hope I'm able to go to sleep at night actually knowing that you're more than a political affiliation.

Now I know why they don't talk about Politics in polite company.

Bullet Points & Changing Seasons: or two for the price of 1/3.

It was cool outside today...relatively, of course. The soft breeze whispered through the tasseled oaks keeping the shade-worthy day from becoming a here's-a-cloth-to-dab-your-forehead kind of day. I like those days. Let fall arrive. I feel like I come alive in autumn. It's got me thinking...

• I'm totally energized by the RNC. Sarah Palin gave what may be THE political speech of a generation. There are good ideas and hope flying around the twin cities for the first time in a long time. I didn't start out as a McCain guy, and I still don't think he's as conservative as I like... but I trust him, and I believe he wants what's best for the country.



• Every time election season comes around, I dream about being a speech writer. My good friend Daniel Espinoza said the same thing while we were watching Palin deliver the goods. A dear lady in our church told me the other day, "you know, Tony Snow was only 31 when started working for Bush 41." I asked her if she knew anyone in the upcoming administration that I could get in touch with. She didn't. It's all good. I've got a pretty good gig.



• We're less than a month away from Baby #2. The votes were in, and it looks like we're going to name her Reagan Elizabeth Powers. Thank you for your votes. I'm sure she'll appreciate all your input in the years to come.



• I'm listening to "Subterranean Homesick Blues" on iTunes. I love Bob Dylan. If we had a boy, I was pushing to name him Dylan.



• Natalie didn't want to name our boy Dylan.



• I'm slowly starting to recognize the gentle rhythms of life. This week has been through the roof nuts, but the weeks before were slow, even boring (aside from the recurring bout of bubonic plague we had to deal with). I felt guilty during those times, rather than capturing them and using them to refresh, recharge, and be ready for this season of activity. As my life grows and fills out, those are the things that I'm increasingly drawn to think about.



• Life happens. I believe the Cosmos were created with order, reflecting the One who breathed them into being. The more I step back, the more I'll recognize the rhythms and accept them, whatever they may be.



• I read about St. Francis, walking through the woods, breaking into song at the life and wonder that was crushing in on him, threatening to swallow him whole. I'd like to be in the moment enough to be dazzled at the wonder of the Kingdom at Hand.

It's amazing what a change in scenery can accomplish. If only the Astro's would make the playoffs... then life would be great.

It's was all about the fantasy...

I'm currently sitting in my parents living room with my brother and Billy Carroll. All 3 of us have our laptops open, pouring over the latest projections, picks, pans, and injury reports.

It's fantasy football time baby.

Last year I got off to a screaming start, drafted the best receiver in the league and then dropped him 2 days before week on after reading a bogus injury report (Randy Moss' hammy was not, indeed, strained). I still managed to finish second in the league.

This year the tensions are just as high. So many questions? Is Peyton's knee REALLY healed? Will Adrian Peterson hold up to being the Viking's number one running back all season? Should I take a tight end in the 3rd round, or wait until the 5th? These are the really important things that one must consider.

So in 13 minutes, the game is on. Are you ready for some football?

Mom's Favorite

I can't stop laughing. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it.

And the hits just kept on coming...

Poor Natalie hasn't been out of bed all day. Last night at 1:00 (that A.M. for you morning people like me) she woke up not feeling well at all. She need Pepcid, stat. Like a fireman springing at the rescue bell, I lept to the call of duty.

It was actually less leaping and more dragging. I wish I was better and more supportive at stuff like that, but I was groggy and probably pretty cranky. At the bottom of my heart I was glad for the opportunity to do something for her. I felt for her, but the strange commiseration of walking through a difficult time together can draw forth frustration as well as solidarity. I wanted this whole season to be over, and I certainly didn't want chapter 18 of our recent saga to begin in her at 1:00 in the morning!

Still, this morning she wasn't well. As if being pregnant isn't hard enough (not that I'd understand, of course) she now is pregnant AND sick in her stomach. If I wasn't laughing I'd be crying, and if I wasn't crying I'd be laughing.

It's times like this though that bring a person's world view into crystal clarity. It highlights how quickly I am reduced to doubt. It reveals whether I try to stifle those doubts or search for an answer that is acceptable. It uncovers whether or not I am able to walk the tight-wire of accepting suffering and pain on earth AND the goodness and sovereignty of God. Most of all, maybe it indicates how quickly I am able to get outside of myself, beyond the here and now, and realize that there is a greater cosmic picture than I regularly walk in.

I think about my friends who are, or are becoming, foster parents and how they are going to rescue a child who right now may not have access to medicine, but sadder still doesn't have access to a parent who is able or willing to procure the medicine. The greater cosmic reality is that I'm a pretty lucky guy. It doesn't diminish the stress of the past few weeks. I don't think God works that way. I think my fears and doubts and struggles are real. I just think that when they are viewed and processed well, they have the unique ability to either drive me further into myself and closer to self-destruction, or they can draw me out of myself and open my eyes to both my blessings and the sufferings around me.

I think I'm finally able, for the most part, to be thankful for the amazing run of circumstances in the past few weeks. Not all the situations are fully resolved. I'd still like to sell my van to sock a few extra bucks away for when baby Reagan comes. I'd still like to have my family well. But the greater reality is, again, that God is here. He's working and fixing, and He knows my name well enough to bring me through even this in a way that really brings glory to Him.

That's a great thought.

Bullets & Projectiles

I used to read many more blogs than I do now, and back then, I always loved people who were expert users of the bullet point. It seemed like a style that would work well for me since I'm sort of all over the map in my brain. The problem is that I write A LOT, so 10 page bullet points don't accomplish the same thing. None the less, here's my attempt at the bulletted blog post...

• In reading Natalie's documentation of the past 10 days, I remember being drawn to the thought that God is here with me. When Jack is sick, God is here with us. We're not alone. It's much less scary when you're not alone.


• Friday night will be just me and Jack. No firm details yet, but I feel certain that it will involve beef and fire. Probably Television. And a sippy cup. For Jack.


• We're going to have a baby in 5 weeks. It will want to live with us for approximately 18 years. It will also want to eat food and wear clothes. I will be primarily responsible for providing such accoutrements.


• My ear infection is all better. Antibiotics are good stuff.

Alright. That's all I've got. By way of confession, I'm disappointed with the way my first bullet point blog worked out. Perhaps better luck next time.

Otitis externa...

Or, more commonly, outer ear infection.

See, I have this thing. I think Q-tipping is just about the best thing in the universe. Just after a steaming hot shower, get out and swab the ear canal... glorious.

Turns out that it's bad for you (how could something SO right, turn out to be SO wrong?). All that ear wax serves a purpose... it keeps the water from gathering and infecting. So, two months ago I could feel it coming on for about a week. Each day, quietly, steadily, little by little the hot fire poker of aural death made its way to what must be an extremely important place, to be so sensitive.

Antibiotic drops and a benzocane drop should do the trick.

The problem... I only did the antibiotic for 2 days instead of 5.

Fastforward to last Friday, the familar warm heating pressure shows up. Quietly at first, only letting me know it was around. In response I picked up the neglected antibiotic and started my regimen again. I was too late. This morning it was as if steaming Kamikaze pilots of doom flew one by one into my tender little ear canals and exploded microbombs of ear death in the side of my face.

The doctor was little help. "You have an ear infection. Usually babies get those."

"What are you saying doc? Are you calling me a baby? I'll take you down right here and now if I have to."

But alas, it seems that there's no insta-cure for the ear infection. So what did I learn?

1. That which feels the best is not always the best. The implications and applications are endlessly endless.


2. Medicine knows what it's talking about. When it says 5 days, use it for 5 days.


3. Ear infections suck. That's all I have to say about that.

So I'm going to tough it out and pray that the antibiotics work fast. I'm hoping and praying that I'll handle this with grace and dignity. Most of all, I'm hoping this never happens again.