Part 2 - Trust Talk: disintegration of the misunderstanding gene

So we all bring these biases to the table, and they're like our blood type or DNA configuration. We're vaguely aware of them, but we don't really know where they came from or even the stuff of which they are made (other than nucleotides... of course... I think).

Last night I sat down with my loved one and tried to pick apart the thickett of biases that cause me to be what I am, her to be what she is, and both to make wrong assumptions about the other. Fortunately she affords more grace than I could think of asking for, and she lets me brood and think out loud before anything makes any sense to anyone.

First I should clarify that if my approach at disintegrating the misunderstanding gene(biases) focuses on any "other" out there, my attempts are misguided and futile at best. I have control over exactly one set of misunderstanding genes (biases) and that is plenty. My hope in deconstructing these misunderstandings is to better know how I represent to the world (for a great insight and instance of the misunderstanding gene, check out this guest post on Matt Singleton's blog).

Last night my wonderfully insightful wife led me to realize that an almost otherworldly trust is the key to making an honest attempt at understanding or even seeing my biases. Since my blindspots are by definition spots (place) that are blind (unable to be seen) I need someone else who can see to point them out to me.

For instance, when my wife and I are talking and she brings up something that a) bores me, b) frustrates/angers me, c) goes over my head... my first reaction may be to roll my eyes. This eye roll may be completely and totally without intention and even without me knowing it. The eye roll is caused by my reaction... either a defense mechanism against inferiority or pride about my time, or whatever. My reaction comes from a (possibly, possibly not) subconscious bias toward what my wife is saying. She, responding to the manifestation of my misunderstanding gene, manifests her own... "Why are you rolling your eyes at me?!?" she says tersely.

Stop camera.

Enter trust. My response SHOULD be, "this person that I love and trust is sensing something. I trust that she's not trying to hurt me or simply trying to win, so which of my blindspots is she seeing." Because of trust, we can begin the process of taking this whole thing apart and finding out why I responded the way I did. Through this gentle, but intentional process, future misunderstandings can hopefully be avoided and misunderstanding gene is one step closer to extinction.

The implications for me with my wife are one thing... but I think about the implications in my life otherwise. One of my biases is to be cynical and critical. I tend to see the world too many times through sideways glances. But what if I trusted that God was big enough to use anyone who crossed my path to sharpen me... like muslims, or buddhists, or mean people, or liberals? What if my 1st response was ALWAYS a response of trust... not in them, but in God?

This is hard to even process because I know that there are people out there who will try to use, manipulate, take advantage of, and otherwise destroy me and mine (that's what John 10:10 says). But it's in the face of those objections things like Matthew 5 begin to stand out. What if I find God more in those situations where I've been abused than I ever would without it? What if my understanding of God is stunted because I've never trusted God enough to do the right thing, or the BEST thing even if I might be taken advantage of in the process?

Father, I'm grateful that you can redeem even mistrust and misunderstanding. Help me to trust you in a way that doesn't make sense to anyone but you. Father, help me to be one of the reckless ones, who believes that everyone's voice can lead to beautiful things in your hands. Help me to listen more, speak less, and always seek to understand first. Thanks God.