Crosses & Conversations

I read Matthew 10 today and Christ's call to follow seems especially poignant on Good Friday. From calling Peter & John from a fishing boat, to calling the rich young ruler from the trappings of weath, the idea of following takes on a new and special significance in the light of Easter.

So in Matthew 10, Jesus is sending out His disciples. It's a glorious day, can you imagine? When I get 14 seconds of training and experience, I feel like I'm ready to fly the plane. So the 12 must be chomping at the bit, ready to do what they were born and called to do!! Especially after hearing Jesus' opening words...

"... go to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. As you're going, preach that the Kingdom of Heaven is near, it's here, it's at hand! When you need to, heal those that are sick. Raise those that are dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons. Freely you've received, freely give."

Even the following verses about not taking anything extra don't seem so bad in light of the commissioning service they just received. I can almost hear Peter, "Now that's what I'm talking about!" Jesus goes on to talk about going into towns and leaving a blessing, and wiping the dust off of the feet for any town that won't receive them. James and John, the "Sons of Thunder" must've cast furtive glances, "if I can raise the dead, can you imagine what I'm going to do to a town that won't accept me? I'll do more that wipe the dust..."

In my vulnerable moments, these are the things that I feel like I signed on for. Too many times my prayers are that God would use me for these kinds of things. Lord, if you want to heal the sick, I'm willing to do that. It doesn't sound nearly so transparently self-serving when I'm surrounding it in the highest of prayerful language.

But then the conversation turns a bit, "Behold, I send you out as sheep among the wolves... the men will hand you over to the courts and scourge you in the synagogues. When you go before Kings and governors, don't worry about it, you'll know what to say, but by that time you'll be hated by all because of me. And only those who stick with it to the end will be saved..."

Wait a minute Jesus... this is hard core... then He says the ultimate, "He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he who does not walk with me into the gas chamber is not worthy of me..."

The reality of the cost of discipleship hit me this morning. Dietrich Bonhoeffer talks about cheap grace and costly grace. Cheap grace (the grace we give ourselves) is like me after hearing the first part of Jesus' speech... the mock humility willing to bear the burden of greatness. Costly grace on the other hand, is the grace that only comes from taking up the instrument that will put all of our un-God nature to death. That grace cost Christ everything. The scary part is that too many times, the cost of discipleship doesn't hit me. Too many times I'm an "organizational" christian.

The exciting thing for me right now is that I'm not scared away by the call or the cost. It doesn't make sense, because most time when it comes to stuff like this, I'm a snivelling weenie, but there's something in me that realizes the call of Christ to follow is worth it. It doesn't mean I understand it all, or that I understand any of it. But that Spirit in me that cries "Abba" realizes that the call of Christ is more worth it than all of the other stuff that lures me away combined.

Thank you, Lord for Easter. Thank you, Lord that you went to the cross, and thank you Lord that you didn't stay there. The only one who was truly capable of knowing the cost, and you counted it worth it. Father, I don't understand all of it, or even much of it, but I pray that the space in me that realizes you're worth leaving it all for, I pray that space would grow. I pray that space would consume me. Jesus, you amaze me. Thank you for today. Thank you for Sunday. Thank you for you.