Just kidding... sort of. Nat and I are both ready for the little guy to make an appearance. All you real parents at home are chuckling, thinking, "sure ya are." What I mean is that I'm ready for my wife not to be pregnant any more. It sucks for her. She hurts, everything she eats causes issues... it's just not a good thing. But the due date is Saturday, and the doctor felt pretty confident that this week would be the week.
But it's got me thinking about the whole process. I used to wonder why we can't just have a 6 week gestational period... like cats, or giraffes or something. But nearing the end of our prescribed 40 weeks has once again revealed that God knows more than I do and I should trust Him when He sets up the universe. Here's the beauty of the process as I've come to understand it...
- From day of discovery to end of morning sickness - this period, lasting anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 full months, hits home the reality that life will never ever again be the same. It's almost like shock treatment for the parents to be. It works on the mother because she asks, "Why is my body revolting?" That which she's trusted and slaved over is now presenting itself as her arch enemy. For the guy, it works because there's not a damn thing we can do about it. It is what it is. By the end of the 3 months (which ended as quickly as it started) we both knew that we were on a collision course with forever, and we were going to be changed people in the process.
- From end of morning sickness to about 20 weeks (roughly 6 or 7 weeks) - this is the period where you realize that life has changed, and you're still not completly certain that the morning sickness is gone for good. It's like this tentative waiting stage. But she's starting to feel better, therefore the man feels better because order has been restored to the home. By this time for the guy, it's not really a baby yet, it's just a little bean on the sonogram that tore up your life for 3 months. This phase is so important because it forces me to come to terms with the fact that I'm really beginning to love something that I can't see and that has to this point brought no tangible gain to my life. It's the beginning of the self-less dynamic of father hood.
- Week 20 Sonogram - It's a boy. I could my baby's junk, and from this moment forward, I began the process of understanding that it's not just a baby... it's my son.
- Week 20 through week 38 - This period of decreasing blissfulness begins with unadulterated joy and high hopes and ends roughly where morning sickness left off. Along the way are the milestones of feeling the baby move, watching the belly grow, watching momma grow into and then out of maternity clothes, setting up the nursery, registering, having showers. For me, there was a dawning awareness that my wife was an intimate part in the most amzing thing in the history of the universe. Inside the body of my wife, God was knitting. Every day that realization took on new and different shapes. There's still no conception of the realities and responsibilities of fatherhood, it's just the wonder of seeing a baby being made.
- Week 38 through delivery - This final stage is so important primarily because it gets the mother to the place where she says, "I don't care how bad labor hurts... I want this freaking thing out of me!!" My response has been of course to nurture my wife lovingly and lavishly, but also I start to connect with the reality that this little man is going to live in my house and need me to help him become a man. But with the lack of sleep and poor momma ready to pop... whatever it takes to make momma happy... let's get it on.
So here I am. Ready for that little man to come. I have no idea what I'm going to do when he gets here, but I know that every morning I wake up without a kid... I'm bummed. And so is mom. Even the process of trying to write down the process is baffling. There truly are no words to convey what it's been. The excitement, pain, and fear all at the same time. That's the process of being a Father for me. I wonder how similar God's experience was in the beginning?
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2 comments:
You know Jason, from the moment that Natalie told me you guys were going to have a baby I knew that you guys were going to be wonderful parents. I could see you two raising a child, taking care of that child, and giving that child as much love he/she needs, with more than enough left over. When Natalie told me you guys were going to have a boy I could see you taking him to baseball games, sharing your pasions, throwing the baseball and reading him bed time stories. I could see the abundance of love that child was going to have, and it makes me smile to know that this little guy is going to have the best two parents in the world. I love you both and I'm praying for you both daily. I admire you in all that you do.
Thank you so much. With friends like you and Stephen... what more could we hope for. Thanks for your prayers and your support.
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