It's Nobody's Fault but mine...

Dreary drips from the overhang on a gloomy grey March morning. The mood in my head matches the mood in the sky and the trees drip their acknowledgement. I love the chill and I even like the grey except when it starts to leak into my mood. Of course, that's nobody's fault but my own.

Widespread Panic sings a song called 'Nobody's Fault.' It's a great song, I've heard it done lots of different ways, but my favorite is when they do it on this old resonator guitar, so it sounds like a record out of the 1930's, real slow and mellow-like..."If I don't pray, and my soul gets lost... it's nobody's fault but mine."

Taking responsibility for what happens in life is one of those things that doesn't come naturally or easy. Abuse would be one exception, but most of the stuff that comes into my life is stuff that I need to take responsibility for and own all by myself. I was thinking about this yesterday in my quiet time. I was reading about priorities, and I realized that most of the reason I feel like I drift is because I've not been intentional about what I do. Sounds simple right?

Not so much.

I get mad at God when my spirit feels dry and my character isn't what it should be. It's not God's fault, it's my fault. The reality isn't that I've desperately tried God and found Him lacking, the truth is that I've never fully tried God.

I want God to be a neat accessory to my life, like a shiny watch or a sweet looking belt. But that's not the deal. He gives me the right to take Him or leave Him, but I don't get to choose the terms. It's like getting a pet snake, and then getting mad and disillusioned with the snake when he doesn't jump on my lap and watch TV with me like a puppy dog. The snake is only being a snake, and if I wanted a puppy, then I should have gotten a puppy. It's my responsibility.

So the dryness, the fatigue, the sadness in my Spirit about God not being the God that I wanted Him to be... that's not God's fault, that's mine. That's a hard lesson to learn. The reality is that there are promises that He makes... a life of abundance, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentelness, self control and all of those things. But He doesn't promise them to me no matter what. He promises them to me if I follow Him. The challenge for me is to give up my hard-core desire for instant gratification and follow Him. Again, it's my responsibility.

C.S. Lewis says that the problem isn't that we've tried God and found Him wanting, it's that we've trifled with lesser pleasures and never given Him a chance (paraphrase). Every decision is a decision to draw near or to pull away from Him. If I pull away, it's not His fault for not keeping up His end of the bargain. Such is life.

Carpe Diem.