Sick bellies and Holy moments

Friday night, Jack threw up. Then he threw up again.

It didn't seem wise to keep the little belly-geyser around the 6 day old baby. No need to infect a newborn. So I went to my parents until the whole thing blew over. My hope was that in the morning he would wake up and be fine and I'd be home by evening (24 hours past his last "episode").

But he threw up yesterday morning again. All day I nursed him back, small sips of liquid for 4 hours, followed by slightly larger sips for 4 hours, still no food though. He seemed to feel better all day and went to bed at night, sleeping sweetly in the guest bed at my parents house.

This morning he threw up again. Dangit.

So I'm 36 hours away from my wife and new born daughter, and I miss them both terribly. Right now Jack is asleep on the couch behind me, and I'm praying the crackers and Gatorade I've been working into him stay down. I'm praying that he feels better, that he gets back to being his same old self. I'm praying that I get to go back home, hug & kiss my wife, and hold my baby.

It's in the midst of all this that I made a decision yesterday morning...

For we know that God causes all things to work together for good for those who love him...

Romans 8:28

For I know the plans I have for you... plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I decided that I was going to believe that this wasn't a cosmic blip or a disappearance of the God's providence. I decided I was going to respond as if this very situation (missing my family, hurting for my beautiful sick little man, being away from home at such a vulnerable time, not being able to support my recently de-pregnanted wife) WAS the providence of God. God wasn't waiting until everyone was healthy to bless me, he wanted to bless me right now, in spite of it. In fact, I think he wanted me to see the illness and separation as a blessing.

It's a tough to fully latch on to the mindset that whatever seemingly negative situation I'm in isn't something that I have to "get through" any more than the good situations are. God is present, real, and unchanged in both of them. His hands aren't bound in the "bad times" and somehow unleashed in the "good times." The sick moments aren't moments where Satan is winning. Satan doesn't get to win. God wins.

He always wins.

So James' challenge to, "Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything," resonates only when I remember, or believe, that He's not gone. He's here. He's working. His intentions for me are exactly the same as they were the other day when Jack was running around like a crazy man (and I was praying that he would calm down. Now that he's calm, I just want him to be more active! I'm so fickle).

So I'm grateful for this time. I learned how to find God in the fabric of a potentially frustrating and bothersome situation. I had a chance to see that perseverance is precious, and faith is worth more than gold. I had a chance to hold my otherwise squirmy and dodgy son close to me. I kissed his head and wiped his tears and as steadily as I could, I reassured him that it would all be OK. "Daddy's here Jack, you don't have to worry."

And as those words fall into his sickly-eager little ear, they fall into mine and they allow me to speak with a confidence and a hope that I think I understand in a different way than I did before.