The Pure in heart...

Babies are amazing. My little guy is an education every day of my life. He's a good sleeper, but when he wakes up, he lets us know by doing this little whimper thing. It's not really a cry, but it's definitely not a coo. So he's whimpering to let us know that he's awake and that we need to come peel the diaper off of him and plug him into the bottle so he gets what he needs, but in the middle of all of the angst of babyhood, without breaking the stride and rhythm of his whimper, this huge smile fills all the space between his eyes and his chin. Jackson doesn't just smile, he opens wide to let the joy gush out. It's quite the paradox, the smiling crying baby... but it's regular as clockwork.

Innocence is a beautiful thing. Jackson doesn't get hung up in having to be all one or all the other. The pain and excruciating suffering of sitting in poop with an empty stomach doesn't deter him from expressing the joy of seeing his beloved parents. The whimper lets you know there's still discomfort, but the smile lets you know that there's a perspective that he knows it's all going to be good.I'm an all or nothing kind of guy. When I'm sad... I'm freaking morose. When I'm happy... you can't peel me off the ceiling. Some people call it manic, but we'll let them have their quackish diagnoses. I think there's something to be said for feeling deeply, even if it's feeling deeply sad or deeply pensive or whatever. The only bad part comes when the depth of one feeling is allowed to push out the depth of all other feelings. Why can't sadness and joy coexist? Why can't we see the rainbow on the horizon in the midst of a storm... and why can't we rejoice in it?

The purity of Jackson's heart lets him see the goodness in the midst of whatever struggle or sadness he may be enduring at this particular moment. I think babies inherently see or know God. It's what the image of God looks like before it's marred by social climbing and addiction and fear. In big-people terms, the closest thing I can think of to call it is contentment. Paul said that he could do all things with Christ, and that (maybe most out of context quoted verse in scripture) comes in the midst of talking about being hungry and doing without.I take life too seriously. Or maybe I take myself too seriously. There are serious troubles in this world. There are problems that I can't turn away from, and wouldn't if I could. I love the image of the Kingdom of Light spreading through the darkness. You can't be a Kingdom bearer without looking at the darkness. But neither can you carry the Kingdom if you forget the light. This is where I get caught in cynicism and pessimism. This is where my art and my thoughts and my life start to be lived for other people. If my eye is dark, how great is the darkness within me. But if I can see light in the middle of diaper rash and hunger... then I can see the light everywhere.

Oh, God! What glory there is in your diversity. Father, give me the grace to embrace sadness in the hope of comfort. Help me to embrace darkness with the promise of light. In a world where darkness creeps up from all sides, always threatening to smother hope and faith and love clear my heart of conflicting values and ambitions. Lord let me see you everywhere, and give me the grace to smile. Thank you for reminders of your involvement in our lives. Thank you that you haven't left us alone. Your wrath drives me to your love. Your kindness leads me to repentance. Be glorified Father.